Paula (Languis) Brinkman was born on October 6, 1943, in Havre de Grace, Maryland. She died on September 15, 2021, in Vancouver, Washington, just shy of her 78th birthday. She was there for the first breath of her children, Ed and Catherine (Brandi), and they were there for her last, holding her hands as she passed.
Paula was born to Dominick Languis, and Catherine (O’Connor) Languis. Her father was Italian, and her mother was Irish; it was therefore genetically impossible for Paula to be boring or mild-mannered. She was the middle child of five Languis sisters who terrorized Havre de Grace’s Erie Street from time to time, somehow escaping the ever-watchful eyes of her grandmother Catherine Languis, and her Aunt Rose Languis, both of whom raised her after her mother's early death.
Paula graduated from Havre de Grace High School in 1961, where she was a cheerleader and runner-up for Class Clown. Growing up in a traditional Italian Catholic family, she was expected to forego college in favor of marriage and children. In 1963, she married Gary Brinkman, also a Havre de Grace High School graduate, a Marine, and a maker of mostly-good trouble. The two were quite the pair. Despite separating after 14 years, they remained close until Gary’s death in 1992. Neither remarried. They loved each other until their last breaths, in the way of old friends who knew each other’s souls. They are undoubtedly jitterbugging in the clouds now.
Professionally, Paula was a shining example of hard work, perseverance, dedication, and smarts. She worked her way through the ranks at Aberdeen Proving Ground, Edgewood Arsenal. There, she was a Management Analyst, and traveled the country extensively for the Army National Guard. In the early 1990s, she took a position as a Budget/Management Analyst for the Department of the Army, where she worked at the Pentagon, including through Operation Desert Storm. After a few years in the private sector, she returned to federal service, where she finally retired from the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration. In each of these positions, she made lifelong friends, and found adventure and humor where she could.
In 1996, Paula and her daughter packed their bags and left the east coast. Surprising everyone, they survived an 11-day cross-country drive together in a very, very small car that seemed to only get smaller as the trip went on. Eventually, they landed in Portland, Oregon, where Paula would spend the next 25 years. She loved Portland and the peace it brought her. She was particularly enamored of the Oregon Coast, where she spent many weekends. She enjoyed showing friends and family the best of the Pacific Northwest, whenever they would visit.
In 2009, she began her perfect retirement: gardening, reading, and sitting with her beloved dogs in the backyard of her home, watching the squirrels and birds. She was happy and content. During these years, she also enjoyed accidentally bumping her SUV into immovable objects, a gift she passed on to her daughter. On occasion, when coerced sufficiently, she would take time from her retirement to bestow upon friends and family alike, her legendary chicken and dumplings, or deviled eggs. And both before and after retirement, she would do her best to make every birthday and Christmas more special than the last.
Paula spent the last five years of her life living with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. This was particularly hard for her, as she had often asked God to please spare her brain; it was the one part of herself she was proud of. Notwithstanding her diagnoses, she maintained her sense of self, and her sense of humor.
Her son, Ed, her daughter, Catherine, and her son-in-law, Beto, worked hard to keep her in her own home as long as possible. When she required advanced care, Ed kept her stocked in roses, potato chips, and phone calls. Catherine made sure every doctor’s visit was nothing short of an adventure (including wheelchair races), and that their time together always included laughter and deep discussions about which of the Property Brothers was the most handsome. Friends and family from all over the country regularly called and sent cards, and even though she often could not respond, it buoyed her spirits and kept her loneliness at bay. And her wonderful caregivers at Diamond Ages Adult Family Home, Vitalie, Corina, and Sacha, kept her in good health and good humor for the last two years of her life. She especially adored Vitalie and Corina’s toddler, who made her smile on even the darkest days.
Paula had a quick wit, and was a loyal friend. She was not just intelligent, but smart. She was addicted to shows about Alaska. She was forthright and outspoken, tenacious, resilient, hard-working, and hopeful. She was a dedicated mother to her children and her animals. She was absolutely terrible to watch movies with… the worst. She was stubborn, competitive, and a force of nature. She was a NASCAR-worthy backseat driver who frequently used the imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side. She was loving, irreverent, and sometimes hilariously inappropriate. She was, on occasion, a risk taker - for example, reading The Exorcist while pregnant with Catherine. She was social in her younger years, and reclusive in her later years, but loved to laugh and have fun always. She was generous to a fault. She loved cooking large meals for friends and family, and once hosted a Thanksgiving in Portland with over 25 guests. She never ended a call or said goodbye without also saying “I love you” to those she did indeed love.
But despite all of this, rest assured: she would have left any one of us for Mick Jagger in a hot second.
Paula joins so many in the next life, including her former husband, Gary Brinkman; her mother and father, Catherine and Dominick Languis; her stepmother, Susan Languis; her sister, JoAnn Languis; her aunts Rose, Tillie, Josephine, and Helen (all Languises); her uncle, Pete Languis; her in-laws, Boots and Eddie Brinkman; her cousin, Maria Languis; her animals whom she adored so much, Cosmo, Ernie, and Moonshine; and her granddog Lucy, and grandcat Oliver. (She never had grandkids, a point she often worked into conversation with a moderately dramatic flair of dismay.)
Left behind with forever-broken hearts are her devoted children, Ed Brinkman, Catherine (Brandi) Brinkman-Dantas, and Beto Dantas, her son-in-law whom she loved as her own; her sisters, who were as much a part of her as anyone, Brenda Languis, Shela Villardi, and Nikki Amelse; her loving cousin and honorary sister, Kathy Tarquini; and her beloved animals, Trixie and Virginia. She also leaves behind so many friends and colleagues, including high school classmates, as well as her long-time BFFs, Caroll Keegan, Marsha Washington, and Jeanne Hawtin. Also grieving her loss is a herd of nieces and nephews, including Nancy Putnam Sevinsky, who often visited her in Portland, and Amanda Langiu, who regularly sent messages of love from afar.
It was Paula’s wish to be cremated, and to have some of her ashes spread at her husband’s grave in Havre de Grace, Maryland. The rest will be spread into the Pacific Ocean, at her favorite Oregon Coast town, Depoe Bay. Both of these events will be held in Spring 2022.
In lieu of flowers, please honor Paula’s life by doing something special for yourself. And if you are so inclined, please consider a donation in her name to the DoveLewis Velvet Assistance Fund, which provides financial aid for emergency animal care, or to the DoveLewis Charlie Fund, which provides emergency veterinary care to abused animals. https://donate.dovelewis.org.
***To Mom/Madre/Mamacita/Maw/Mommy/Moms/Yo, Ma!/The Mother Figure/Paula: Saying goodbye was impossible; moving forward in a future without you is unbearable. You once said we’d get over the loss with time - but we won’t. Not ever. We love you forever. And we will drive carefully, promise.